Counting words.

My self esteem might never be considered my strong suit! It eats away at me constantly. I want to be a confident woman. It is fun and healthy; it does your heart good. Confidence is sexy. I’m not always so sexy.

I do have areas of my life in which I am more secure, and I do try to utilize them well. Earlier this week, I had a moment of self-assuredness while I was perusing my Facebook news feed.

A multi-published author, someone I follow, but haven't read yet, was using her word count goals and progress as her status. She wasn’t bragging, she challenged herself and reported back on her accomplishments. Oh, wow, look, Monica posted her word count, too. Whoa, the disparity between their goals makes my head spin! One writer aimed for 10,000 words, another 2,000. I immediately needed to know who was right and who was wrong? I was raised Catholic. There are only two choices. No grey areas are encouraged.

I was on a mission. I set out to determine which author was doing a better job. I considered that I was completely unaware of my own personal word count production. When writing, I have always been able to produce, often more than time allows. As yet, I have been a complete stranger to writer’s block. I couldn't imagine that ‘my numbers’ would be consistent. I did suspect that my daily word counts were healthy, robust even.

In my quest to learn more, as I am focused on the ultimate goal of publication, I decided I was just going to have to talk to someone about this. I quickly opened a chat with my friend. She was the one with, what I believed was a very conservative goal. “How’s the writing? Small goal for today?”

“Not for me. Two thousand is double my norm!”

“Really? I think I tend to write more. Do you limit yourself or is this what feels right for you?”

So much of context can get lost typing, but I had confidence in our online friendship. I was sure she would understand that I was asking from a place of genuine curiosity, not judgment. After all, who am I to judge? She is published, many times over, and she knows I admire her work, with an awe, that defies definition.

I throw another few lines in before she responds. I had wanted to talk to her earlier but got distracted.

“Oh, BTW Monica, I just finished ‘Pax’, I liked it even more than the ‘Priest’. Will I like ‘Prince’ as much?”

Between reading Monica’s books, I require a pause. I need to stew on them, try to imagine where in her wildest dreams she cooks up her stories. If you consider reading Monica, all of her books are available on e-format, http://www.amazon.com/Monica-La-Porta/e/B007DZFP8W. They are a new age bargain. I sometimes miss the smell of new pages, but nothing else is absent from these stories, so I forget quickly. I momentarily consider the merits of e-publishing, but perhaps that is another blog…and another area of Monica’s seemingly endless expertise (My confidence takes a tiny hit, but I must press on.)

While I await a response about her daily word counts, I open another window and go to Amazon to open her children’s book, The Prince’s Day Out. I loved this story the moment I first saw it. It tackles what could be seen as a disability but explores the beauty of supposed limitations. I was and remain, infatuated with the sweet characters.

           

But the drawings…I am obsessed with Monica’s original art! I laugh to myself wondering if she knows that I am serious, when I tell her I would like to purchase originals of the color plates, to hang in a future dream kitchen. And then the art gets me. It clobbers me over the head with my greatest fear. I was absent the day God handed out artistic talents. I also fear my parochial schooling may have stunted my own creative growth potential. But I was saved by a response.

“I struggle for every word. I labor over my words. So glad you are enjoying the series. I hope you will love Prince. I think it is my favorite so far.” I laugh again, remembering my original confusion between the third book in her dystopian trilogy (in four parts…ask her, don’t shoot the messenger!) and the children’s book. Both feature a character named Prince.

I am encouraged that I have good reading for the weekend ahead, but I am stuck on this word count thing, so return to it. I think I understand her concept of laboring over words. Writing, something publishable, is a responsibility. It’s like having a baby and raising the child well. You can’t simply rejoice in the birth. You need to bring your baby gracefully along into each phase of their life.

I reassure myself that she is secure in my opinion of her. She is brilliant. We have spoken of my fascination at her creativity, many times before. Her writing stands on its own, but she also draws, paints, sculpts, and cooks…just to make a short list. I wither thinking of how small I am next to her seemingly boundless creativity.

But...I was shocked by her reply. Really? She struggles, and takes time with every word? Okay, this was not helping. Monica is bi-lingual, not writing in her native language. She should get credit for that, which would, clearly double her word count! It made me think, which is always good for me. Idle hands (or minds) are the devils tools.

I am lost in thought, for much of the night. Writers, authors, do clearly place a premium on their daily word count. It is part of the discipline of writing…to be honorable in your craft. “Write every day!” It’s advice given time and time again by successful authors.

And yet, my Facebook friends’ varying word counts haunt me. I’ve procrastinated on this, long enough. I am forced to analyze my own writing. I start crunching numbers. Is that possible? I write between ten and twenty thousand words a day! I check my math. I type well, by touch. I’m not a professional typist, but I can crank it out! And I have stamina (though sometimes my ankles swell after hours in the computer chair.)

I pace the floor computing in my head. Thirty words per minute times sixty minutes per hour equals eighteen hundred words. I can cram in as much as twelve hours a day, some days. But that would include stretch breaks, potty breaks, and getting up for drinks and an occasional yogurt. I don’t eat much when I am into a story. So let’s say eighteen hundred times ten hours. That would equal eighteen thousand words a day.

Huh! I do a quick check. I have a story just about that length. I did indeed crank it out in one writing session, albeit a very full day. Okay! I write fast! Cool. The next day, I log on and re-open the chat.

“Morning, Monica. Did you make your word count yesterday? And hey, are you editing as you write?”

I was re-thinking my methodology. I do what I call brain-dumping. An idea starts and I let it take me where it will. I tend to sit in one main character and interact with the other. Sometimes I surprise myself. I am not my character for long. She always manages to establish a mind of her own. And the others, the ones I am not residing in…they take flight and carry me along, an innocent observer.

I worry. If I stop, before a story is done, will my characters fade? I rush to put their journey on the page as it is evolving in my brain. It makes for high word counts. It also makes for a messy house, a decided lack of meals, and a lazy dog. While I write, Shadow sleeps. And the quality of my story? Well, the bones are there.

Ah, but my editing…now that is another story. A long painful one!

This week I spent as many hours a day as possible taking a short story I had written weeks ago, and trying to cut it down to under 2000 words. It remains at 3600+ words. Of course, complete self editing is futile and unwise. But it is a part of the process, one I have yet to master, apparently.

The need to absorb myself in my current, work in progress, grips me. (That would be my WIP! Yup, Picked that up on Facebook, too!) So, while my friend exerts a tremendous effort to bring perfect words to the page, to honor her characters and the integrity of her story, I reconsider the “accomplishment” of a hefty daily word count. I had almost been proud of myself, confident for a moment. It never lasts. 

NOTE: Haven't gotten enough of Monica? Check out her blog to brighten your day. It is full of art, musings, interviews, and, if you really dig, some incredible recipes. http://monicalaporta.com/. Enjoy!